Your Horoscope for Today
by Bast and Catnip
Summary: A LOTR parody of weird Al Yankovic's "Your horoscope for today" Rating for: us being parianod, slash, dancing elves, and other scary stuff...


Summary: A parody of Weird Al Yankovic's "Your Horoscope for Today."  
By: Scenes by Catnip, words by Bast.  
Disclaimer: Don't own Al.....nor the original "Horpscope for Today".....nor the Fellowship.....nor Glady....or Elly....or Arwen....or the Womping Willow......*sob*  
Notes: Bast: No, it dosen't ryhme really....I tryed in the beginning.....  
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FRODO! (aquarius)  
There is travel in your future when you recive a ring of an evil lord, (See shot of Frodo and the one ring, than of Saruon)  
Fill that void in your pathetic life with a blond pan flinging guy. ( See Sam hitting a goblin with a skillit)  
GLADY! (Gladariel, pisces)  
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with a metal board, ( See shot of Boromir going nuts and Elrond, being, well, Elrond.)  
You are the Lady of the Dance, for your mirror spouts lies. ( See Glady dancing by her mirror....badly)  
ARAGORN! (aries)  
The look on your face will be pricless when you find a stupid hobbit in a bar. (Strider trips over frodo in the Prancing Pony)  
Trade toothbrushes with the grungy dwarf, then give a hicky to the blond elf. (Gimli and Aragorn brushing their teeth, then trading,  
Aragorn approching Lego with a grin. Lego is looking nervous)  
SAM! (taurus)  
Your not going to find true happiness, no matter that you travel far. (Sam crying)  
The phsic elf predicts that tomorow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then scream help. (Sam screaming)  
  
That's you horoscope for today (Frodo and Saruon having a thumb war)  
That's you horoscope for today (Glady dancing...again....badly)  
That's you horoscope for today (Lego up a tree with Aragorn at the bottom)  
That's you horoscope for today (Sam screaming and crying)  
  
PIPPIN! (gemini!)  
Your birthday will be ruined once again by your explosive iditocy, (Pippin doing something stupid)  
Your love life will run into trouble when your cousin hurls a sword through your chest. (Merry trips and stabs Pip)  
GIMLI! (cancer)  
The position of Earendil says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud, (Gimli falls into the mud. Lego is trying not to lagh in the background.)  
Try not to shove your enemy's arrows up your nose while taking your archery test. ( Gimli, with one of Lego's arrows. Lego looks p'oed.)  
BORO! (Boromir, Leo)  
Now is not a good time to paint your butt and stick it on your king's face. (Aragorn with a painting of Boro's but stuck on his face)  
Eat a bucket of rabbit dropping pie and wash it down with a gallon of your own blood. (Boro dieing.)  
ELLY! (Elrond, Virgo)  
All Virgos are extremly friendly and pretty-except for you. (Elrond throwing a fit)  
Expect a big suprise today when you wind up in a disco club. (Elrond in disco clothes *grin*)  
  
  
That's you horoscope for today (Merry looking at pip, who knocks him out. Cat: Go PIP!)  
That's you horoscope for today (Lego beating the crap out of Gimli. cat: *happy dance*)  
That's you horoscope for today (Aragorn, with the painting still on his face, stomping on Boro's body)  
That's you horoscope for today (Elrond dancing....disco......frighting......)  
  
(Instrumental because Bast didn't want to make up a whole 'nother paragrah) *THe fellowship, plus Elly, Arwen and Glady, dancing diffrent styles* (Gandolf break dancing, Elly disco, etc.)  
  
Where was I?  
  
GANDY! (Gandolf, Libra)  
A big promotion is around the coroner, for someone who isn't you. (Gandolf handing back the white robes.)  
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your arthritis kicks in next week. (Gandolf collapses, holding his knee)  
LEGO! (Legolas, Scorpio)  
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from a willow tree. (Lego gets tossed from the Whomping Willow)  
Work a little bit harder on proving you're human you stupid freak. (Lego pointing an arrow at some guy in jeans and a tee-shirt)  
MERRY! (Sagittarus)  
Your family is laughing at you behind your back....kill them. (Merry points sword at Pip and Frodo.)  
Take down all those naked pictures of the fellowship you have hanging in your hill. (Merry trying to sheild naked pictures of everyone from the camera)  
ARWEN! (Capricorn)  
Your freinds are saying your a bueatufil and wonderful person, but you know their liying. (Arwen sobbing)  
If I were you I would kill everyone I know and never never never never leave Rivindell again. (Arwen killing people with a hair brush)  
  
That's your horoscope for today (Gandolf in his grey robes, throwing a fit)  
That's your horoscope for today ( Legolas standing by the body of the guy, who now has a arrow in his head)  
That's your horoscope for today (Merry tearing down the naked pics)  
That's your horoscopr for today (Arwen standing with bloody robes and a hairbrush.) 


End file.
